I’ve been pretty silent over here for the past few weeks.
Lots of change has been happening, and when I’m deep in the throes of transformation, usually the last thing I want to do is blast it all out into the world. It was time for me to shut down, decompress, and internally digest the shifts that have come.
But now I’m nearing the other side, and so I want to tell you what’s been going on.
First, and most obvious: the change of my name from “Amy” to “Amie.” Long story short: I am named after a song, and the song spells it “Amie.” After having a son named “Scot” with one T, my mother decided she had enough of people not being able to spell his name and went for the most traditional variation of Amy. My dad wasn’t aware of this until months after I was born.
I’ve never really loved the name “Amy,” and so I have decided, as a result of my sankalpa (Be WILD and UNABASHED), that it’s time to right the spelling to its original intent: Amie.
So here I am.
Also I turned 30. And this seemed like a great time to change my name. Along with turning 30, I feel like a totally different person. My recent training and all of my current studies are pointing me in the direction of the divine feminine. What does this mean, really? It means I am reclaiming my femininity, my power, my boldness, my wildness and going all out to become the person I have always wanted to be. Some people fear 30, but I have been thrilled about it – and sure enough, I feel renewed.
And finally, but not at all least, I did a cleanse.
Okay okay, I know, some of you don’t like the word “cleanse.” Call it what you like. A detox, a reset, a two week healthy eating kick – whatever, but I’m calling it a cleanse because it was literally designed to cleanse your liver.
Is my liver dirty? I don’t know. But I know with all the alcohol, and caffeine, and processed foods I usually shove down my gullet, it’s probably not the healthiest thing in the world.
According to my detox guide, Greta Hill, the liver is super important. It works with the gallbladder to support a strong immune system, to balance your moods, and to digest foods correctly. The liver has 500 metabolic jobs, which seems wild, so when you’re constantly adding to its workload by eating processed foods and drinking alcohol – well the liver doesn’t work so well anymore.
Also, the liver is associated with anger in Chinese medicine, and the gallbladder is associated with resentment. So if you feel angry or resentful – a cleanse designed to detoxify your body may just help.
And let me tell you it did.
First off – I feel wonderful. My hormonal acne is nearly gone, my moods have stabilized, and I don’t find myself getting into a tizzy about the little things that normally would irk me. I feel more energetic (despite tossing the coffee out the door), happier, and more productive.
But more than anything else, this cleanse has been a cleanse of shame. For the longest time, I carried shame around my body and my dietary choices. First I was ashamed to eat anything unhealthy at all, because I saw myself as huge (I wasn’t). Several years later, I healed the body dysmorphic side of myself, but then I felt ashamed to stick to any particular eating plan (even vegetarian), lest I be difficult to eat out with or require any extra attention at all.
I was certainly ashamed of going on a cleanse, which was part of my decision to not speak about it publicly in the first place.
Yet in these two weeks, this is what I’ve found: I have nothing to be ashamed for. In fact, I am darnright proud that for two weeks – yes, my friends, two weeks – I successfully set aside all grains, all alcohol, all caffeine, all dairy, all meat and fish, all nuts, all eggs, and all nightshades (tomatoes, peppers, potatoes).
And I did it over my 30th birthday. Yes, the notorious 30th birthday, where I hear stories from all about how drunk they got and how long they stayed in bed the next day.
And I am not ashamed of my body. I didn’t do this cleanse because I had some great need to change it – I just didn’t feel great, and I wondered if I could feel differently. I’ve been committed for the past four years to having no restrictions on food, or exercise, or any specific goals – but I couldn’t deny that I just didn’t feel amazing.
Now I know there IS another way, and I feel incredible.
To ring this in over my 30th birthday shows and proves to myself that I am different. That this decade of my life will be different. My 20s were about healing my past, and overcoming bad patterns.
My 30s will be about fully stepping into my power, dropping shame, and living WILDLY and UNABASHEDLY and being darn proud of all that I am and all that I do.
I am 30, I am Amie, and I now fucking love my blender and all the green juices.
And quite frankly, I’m very proud of who I’ve become.
To all of you: may you find freedom from shame in all of your choices. May you go to extremes to find moderation if you must. May you listen to your own internal compass and ignore the cries of others leading you away from what you know to be right for you.
May you live your life WILDLY and UNABASHEDLY.